402accessdenied

“Walk this world alone try to stay on my feet
Sometimes crawl, fall, but I stand up cause I’m afraid to sleep
And open my eyes to a new day, with all new problems and all new pain
All the faces are filled with so much anger
Losing our dignity and hope from fear of danger
After all the wars, after settling the scores, at the break of dawn we will be deaf to the answers

There’s so much bigotry, misunderstanding and fear
With eyes squinted and fists clinched we reach out for what is dear
We want it we want
We want a reason to live
We’re on a pilgrimage
A crusade for hope
Cause in our hearts and minds and souls we know
We need it we need
We need more than this

Going through this life looking for angels
People passing by looking for angels
Walking down the streets looking for angels
Everyone I meet looking for angels

So many nations with so many hungry people
So many homeless scrounging around for dirty needles
On the rise, teen suicide, when we will realize
we’ve been desensitized by the lies of the world
We’re oppressed and impressed by the greedy
Whose hands squeeze the life out of the needy
When will we learn that wars, threats, and regrets are the cause and effect of living in fear

Who can help protect the innocence of our children
Stolen on the internet with images they can’t forget
We want it we want
We want a reason to live
We represent a generation that wants to turn back a nation
To let love be our light and salvation
We need it we need
We need more than this

Going through this life looking for angels
People passing by looking for angels
Walking down the streets looking for angels
Everyone I meet looking for angels

I became a savior to some kids I’ll never meet
Sent a check in the mail to buy them something to eat
What will you do to make a difference, to make a change?

What will you do to help someone along the way?
Just a touch, a smile as you turn the other cheek
Pray for your enemies, humble yourself, love’s staring back at me
In the midst of the most painful faces
Angels show up in the strangest of places

Going through this life looking for angels
People passing by looking for angels
Walking down the streets looking for angels
Everyone I meet looking for angels”

Skillet – Looking for Angels

I don’t wanna live
I don’t wanna breathe
‘les I feel you next to me
you take the pain I feel
waking up to you never felt so real
I don’t wanna sleep
I don’t wanna dream
’cause my dreams don’t comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real

I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away
Oh how I adore you
Oh how I thirst for you
Oh how I need you

- Comatose by Skillet

Isn’t it amazing how music can get into your head like nothing else can? I don’t just mean getting stuck in your head (though that’s certainly the case as well), but rather, the way music can speak to you the way that nothing else does. The way you can hear a song and think “That’s totally how I feel,” or “Wow, he/she/they are right!” Music calms, inspires, soothes, emboldens, and empassions us. It incites action, inspires contemplation, ignites discussion, and provokes meditation. The right song can convey thoughts that we’d be hard pressed to put to words.

The song above is the title track from Skillet’s latest album. Rebirthing, a song by Skillet that I previously mentioned is also on this album. I bought Rebirthing a while on the iTunes Music Store, but for whatever reason I didn’t buy the album at the time after previewing the rest of the tracks. Well, I recently bought the whole album (I needed new music – the ITMS is a dangerous thing in this regard), and I wish I hadn’t waited so long. It’s great.

It’s been an intense week already; things have just been happening all over the place. Nothing too exciting in my life, but seeing what’s going on around me is insane. Shane and Erika, who lead my community group, had their baby this past Friday night (their second). Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be too crazy (she was due in about 10 days), except for the fact that she had the baby at home. Now granted, people were having babies long before there were hospitals and OB/GYNs. This time, however, the plan wasn’t to have the baby at home. Basically, by the time they realized she was going to have the baby, it was far too late to get to the hospital, so she delivered it at home. Fortunately, the paramedics got there in time to do the delivery, and everything went well. Erika and their new baby girl, Tegan McKenna, came home from the hospital Saturday night, less than 24 hours after they’d been admitted.

I got to see Tegan tonight at community group, and she is adorable. And tiny. Really tiny. And as far as babies go, she’s not that small. I actually haven’t been around a newborn before, so I really have no concept of what they’re like. I even got to hold her, which I think makes her the first baby I’ve ever held. It’s kinda crazy. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be a new dad, holding your child for the first time. I definitely want to have a family someday, but for now I can say I’m glad that I don’t yet. I’m not ready to be a dad yet, though I think most people feel that way right up until they actually are. It’s still crazy stuff.

The other big thing this week was my friends Gene and Kristie’s wedding. They had a beautiful outdoor ceremony Saturday afternoon. There were about 150 people, so it was pretty small, and it was set in a gorgeous, intimate, secluded area of one of the local country clubs. They looked so happy, and everything went very well. The crazy part of all of this was the fact that they met each other last August, got engaged in October, and married in March. I think things will work out well though. I know it wasn’t a decision either of them made lightly, and they both feel like this is the person that God has brought to them. I’m happy for them.

And that’s not all, just the most radical things. Friends getting engaged, looking into buying houses, moving, getting ready to have their own baby, stepping into leadership roles in the church, starting new jobs, wrestling with who they are and what God wants for their lives, and always trying to figure out how this all works. If there’s one thing that’s becoming clear to me, it’s the continuous nature of change.

I can’t believe I’ve been in California for 9 months already. I find myself thinking (and occasionally saying) things that I didn’t think I’d be saying for a long time, like “It seems like just yesterday that…” or “The weeks just fly by.”

I must be getting old.

(Though I can take solace in the fact that most of my friends out here are older than me – a fact that I rarely let them forget <grin>)

My last post was over a month ago. That one was a month and a half after the previous one.

I’m a total slacker. And I apologize.

I’m not sure what has prompted my posting laziness as of late. To be certain, some of it has been the number of nights I find myself walking in after midnight, getting ready for bed, and promptly falling asleep. But that’s really just an excuse. I guess the bigger reason is I just haven’t really felt like it. Nothing too amazing has been going on lately, and I haven’t felt the need to ramble aimlessly as much.

The other factor is the sheer number of distractions I have when I’m home. The apartment needs to be cleaned, there are recorded TV shows waiting to be watched on my media center, websites to search, friends to IM with, etc, etc, etc.

It would be fair to say I’ve been suffering from a distraction overload lately. Tonight was the first night I’ve been home in a while (or so it seems, in reality I was home last Friday and just chose to be lazy instead of productive). I enjoy going out and doing stuff with friends, but there really is something to be said for taking a break, getting some space, and just being alone. The state of my apartment hasn’t been helping either. I’m not a neat freak by any stretch of imagination, but things had just gotten completely out of control. The really frustrating part was I’ve been trying to get some cleaning and organizing done for the last week or so, and just haven’t made much progress. I really need a large chunk of time where I can get a bunch done at once. Otherwise, I get stuck dealing with the reoccuring tasks (dishes and laundry most notably), and never get to cleaning the bathroom, or filing my old bills (and paying the new ones…)

In that regard, tonight was a good night. I spent too much time running errands (picked up some parts at Fry’s for work, just in case I can’t get them from on-hand stock; dropped off five rolls of film at WalMart), so I didn’t get as much time at home as I would have liked. None the less, as soon as I got home I attacked the mess, and made some progress. It was very theraputic (even lint-rolling an entire bed sheet that had been attacked by one of my blankets, and was covered in lint even after two trips through the drier. Light cream colored fuzz all over a dark blue sheet. Ugh.)

Ok. It’s late, and I’m tired. I have more that I’d like to post, but it’ll have to wait. Hopefully not too long.